Why have conscious sex?

The other day I was asked by an intelligent, accomplished man- with depression and a sex addiction

"Why sex?"

Why is sex a modality for healing, growth and expansion? 

I replied,

"Where does this idea of separation arise from?"

To explain;

The word yoga at its core means union.

Union occurs when all parts of self-

Mind, body and spirit,

Are in one place,

Giving rise to heightened presence.

We know that yoga can be asana,

And with a certain approach yoga can be walking,

Yoga can be sitting,

And yes yoga, can be sex-

"So, what really is the difference" I continued-

"Between meditation and masturbation"

If we are present?

Both are access points to connect with our own energy, right?

This is a powerful thing to consider;

We want to connect with our own energy in sex and pleasure.

NOT distract from it.

When we connect to pleasure and stimulate the senses from a space of boredom, unconsciousness, escape or addiction- 

We end up with an unhealthy relationship towards our own sexual energy,

An unhealthy relationship towards our greatest power,

Our greatest potential resource.

The beast becomes the master, 

The master on his knees,

At the whim of the untamed animal. 

This is a man (or woman) not in control of their sexual energy, actions, and ultimately of their own life.

Gradually over time this takes hold, and will affect your general mood, your access to your own life force- and will influence your psyche in a negative way. 

You will feel controlled by your urges,

You will have created a glass ceiling over your own psyche.

This is the equivalent of going out and gorging unconsciously on stodgy, unhealthy foods thinking it will cure your emptiness- 

When in fact it is just not nourishing. 

The influence that the quality of our sex life has over our every day mood, mentality, perspective, awareness AND mental health is huge.

When we cultivate PRESENCE during sex and pleasure, 

The direct interface that we have with our own energy becomes a deeply nourishing method of self sourcing-

Becoming present with self, is essentially is a source of SELF LOVE.

It is a potent way to show up for yourself.

So, how do we make self pleasure, or sex with a counterpart a source of love, life force, and vital energy for us?

We cultivate our level of presence.

We can also become intentional;

Harnessing and directing our sexual energy in a conscious way,

Instead of allowing sex or self pleasure to be yet another distraction from ourselves, that society already provides so well from all angles.

We arrive in the body,

In the HERE and NOW-

The only place where presence and pleasure truly exist.

We sanctify ourselves in a world which does not,

We can ritualise our connection to self or other,

Science now understands the neural wiring potential and psychological benefit of ritual.

We meditate to attune to the energetic subtleties,

We relax deeper into the spaciousness of the body, 

And of course,

We breathe consciously in order to begin working with the circulation of our pleasure, our chi energy- our life force. 

The neural wiring power of the orgasm

Modern science now understands that our pleasure and orgasm also strongly affects the neural wiring of our brain.

So, whether or not we are aware of it the quality of our sex life and pleasure greatly influences our psyche and perceptual awareness. 

If we are using mental/ visual/ stimulatory aids like porn, intense fantasy or another method of dissociation in order to get off,

Through the neural wiring potency of sexual energy and orgasm, we end up training ourselves to need to continue using aids to enjoy sex.

It then becomes increasingly difficult to tune into, and be turned on by energetic subtleties alone, or with a partner.

The way orgasm impacts the brain is the very reason why people can become quickly addicted to pornography, 

At the huge detriment of their personal relationships.

Directed intention

Due to the immense power of sex, it serves us well to create an intention towards which to direct our Shakti sexual energy.

I always choose something along the lines of personal growth, healing, goal setting, or energy and creativity levels.

Once we have an intention,

We sanctify the experience,

Beginning with a little meditation,

Some arrival into the space of the body, 

When ruminating on our intention we want to spend time cultivating the feeling of this reality in the body.

Giving it some of our consciousness,

Breathing and feeling into it.

Leaning some of the weight of ourselves into it,

Utilising the alchemical container of the awareness, 

In doing so we are communicating with the higher self, and the universal mind through intensified focus. 

Intention with out leaning our presence into it, is empty and doesn’t carry much weight or power behind it.

So taking the time to envision, imagine and try to FEEL this reality with our senses is the key.

We want to arrive, to cultivate our consciousness in the feeling body, in the HERE and the NOW before we engage in sensual pleasures.

In doing so we "call in" our chosen desire. 

We can do this kind of thing at any time of the day, with any of our actions,

Yet one can tap into the most amazing transformational potential of sexual energy by ritualising your self pleasure,

Sex and self pleasure then become a highly charged energy practice.

Intention is powerful with absolutely anything in life, particularly highly charged energy work.

Intention is also powerful when beginning something;

The day, 

A meeting, 

A conversation- 

Any personal practice is guided well with intention, and can become powerful to alter one's personal reality. 

Before I self pleasure I might meditate for a moment on a version of myself that I would like to embody more,

And through intentional pleasure, I direct my sexual energy and orgasm toward that potential reality,

I will use my faculties of imagination, of dreaming and envisioning,

Meditating on that feeling that I would like to breathe the energy of my awareness into. 

Once I have arrive in a place of internal union, heightened presence; with all my energy and intention in once space, 

I then place my focus to one side, 

And begin the descent into the body, and into the spaciousness of self.

Conclusion

Conscious sexuality; when we connect with our sexual energy from a place of presence,

Is nourishing to our wellbeing. 

With presence, sex and pleasure is one of the fastest and most potent ways to work with your own energy, and create life changing shifts in your awareness, positively altering perception, bringing us a renewed sense of self.

Tune in next week for the conclusive chapter on this blog series on Sex Magick.

Meanwhile browse our range of crystal sex toys designed for conscious pleasure and sacred sex here.